It sounds taboo to say out loud... but the research backs it up. And understanding why pet loss is so painful might finally give your grief the room it deserves.
This is a beautiful post. I am a pet loss grief specialist and you certainly have a gift for explaining the depth of grief one can feel when losing a pet. The relationship we have with our pets is very unique, unlike any other. The grief we experience when our pets are no longer in our lives is very real and in so many cases more severe than what we experience with the loss of a human family member or friend. Human relationships can be difficult. Animal relationships are easy. Those relationships are irreplaceable. When you are experiencing grief over the loss of a pet it is very important to surround yourself with others who understand the human/animal bond. Share your story with those who deserve to hear it. That’s why pet loss support groups are so powerful.
Thank you for naming this and validating how enormous our grief can be. It feels so big I’m not sure how we keep going after this. But then I wake up and another day just… passes.
Sarah, thank you for trusting us with how big this feels. What you're carrying is real, and you don't have to have it figured out, some days just passing is enough. That's not nothing. 🩷
I experienced such grief years ago when I lost my precious, beautiful orange tabby. Around the same time, I lost a very dear and close family member. The grief of losing my cat was so similar at the time. I remember feeling guilt over it. I thought I was being silly. It's really nice to read this post, that hits close to home. Thank you.
I just lost my 14 year old dog, Maya last Friday. She died in my bathroom suddenIy. I believe she had a cardiac event or threw a blood clot. I’ve been in disbelief ever since, even though I’ve had many rescue dogs I’ve lost in my life.
I give myself ample time to grieve. She was an angel and my friend. My other dog knows something happened and is very subdued.
Some dogs are just special. That was Maya. I loved her so much.
I’ve lost 6 dogs in 12 yrs and a 7th last year in July. I’ve questioned myself which was worse: losing a dog who has been by your side for 11, 12 years, or walking into the ER with your pup, expecting x-rays, antibiotics or a possible surgery, and walking out with just a leash and collar in your hands. What I do know is the happiness, love and memories each dog brought into my life. That, can never be taken from me.
I've just entered the grief in late September. I lost my dog. The sadness is incomprehensible because it feels serious, yet a 'pet' isn't always taken seriously. I've been missing him every day and home feels absent without him.
that’s easy. pets are so much kinder, actually have empathy and compassion. humans? not so much anymore. i am more and more appreciative and grateful for all my pets every single day.
Within one year I lost my husband, my mother, and our family cat. And yes, I was tremendously sad when our cat died. Somehow, at that particular time in my life, that little cat came to personify my own futile struggle with life and death. I grieved him deeply.
But it was not the same. Not even close.
When you lose someone who has been a fundamental part of your life, you lose more than the person. Parts of your own past start breaking away with them. They were there. They shared it with you. They remember things nobody else remembers. Part of who you are exists in that shared history.
And then there is the future. When I lost my husband, I also lost the future we were supposed to have together. Its foundations were suddenly gone.
And that creates something beyond grief. It creates a profound anxiety about the future, because the structure of your life itself has changed. Your past is breaking away behind you, while the future you thought you had no longer exists.
I don’t think we need to say that all grief is the same in order to take the loss of a beloved animal seriously. It isn’t the same. But it can still hurt terribly.
I agree with you Ana. I hear that often from women who have no children. They have no idea what the difference is between losing a child and/or family member and an animal. You can and will be sad but do not equate that loss with losing a human!
Not really a human could grasp as much the loss. Pets, dogs and horses have character, and it’s precisely the ‘good’ traits that remain etched in our memories forever. That’s also because we forget unimportant people. But I can still remember every quirk of my Rottweiler, even though she passed away 40 years ago. And every Rottie after that was different. I’ve had Rottweilers all my life because they can read human behaviour better than many people.
Thank you for writing this. I'm in some sort of anticipatory grief these days. My sweet Wilma Jean is still with me, but she's been diagnosed with kidney disease and has been on antibiotics for almost three weeks for a UTI. She hasn't been eating anywhere near normal. Some days I can barely get her to take her antibiotics. It's breaking my heart. I know she can't be here forever so I am trying to just soak up every second of her while she's here. 💜🐕
This is beautiful. Thank you for validating the intensity of the pain. I love the research you quoted that said, “the intensity of grief correlated directly with the strength of the human-animal bond.”
Every person and every bond is different, and just honoring the pain is so needed. Even on this post, there’s someone who commented invalidating people who grieve the loss of their animal to this extent, and that kind of close-mindedness to people who are suffering is just plain hurtful.
I wish people would just lead with openness and understanding. Anyway, thank you for this. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
This is a really nice article and absolutely. I was filled with grief when my 5 year old turtle died. I was really filled with grief and loneliness when he died. Same thing when my pet white fan feathered pigeon died. I was so sad and cried a lot. Rest in piece to them. And i hope each and everyone's pets stay strong and healthy and grow to be a good pet.
This is a beautiful post. I am a pet loss grief specialist and you certainly have a gift for explaining the depth of grief one can feel when losing a pet. The relationship we have with our pets is very unique, unlike any other. The grief we experience when our pets are no longer in our lives is very real and in so many cases more severe than what we experience with the loss of a human family member or friend. Human relationships can be difficult. Animal relationships are easy. Those relationships are irreplaceable. When you are experiencing grief over the loss of a pet it is very important to surround yourself with others who understand the human/animal bond. Share your story with those who deserve to hear it. That’s why pet loss support groups are so powerful.
Thank you for naming this and validating how enormous our grief can be. It feels so big I’m not sure how we keep going after this. But then I wake up and another day just… passes.
Sarah, thank you for trusting us with how big this feels. What you're carrying is real, and you don't have to have it figured out, some days just passing is enough. That's not nothing. 🩷
I know how devastated I was losing my two pets over the years. The grief felt monumental. I still miss them so much.💔
Thanks for saying the quiet part out loud.
I experienced such grief years ago when I lost my precious, beautiful orange tabby. Around the same time, I lost a very dear and close family member. The grief of losing my cat was so similar at the time. I remember feeling guilt over it. I thought I was being silly. It's really nice to read this post, that hits close to home. Thank you.
I'm crying reading this 💔😭
OMG YES!!
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS PRECIOUS AND RARE!
I just lost my 14 year old dog, Maya last Friday. She died in my bathroom suddenIy. I believe she had a cardiac event or threw a blood clot. I’ve been in disbelief ever since, even though I’ve had many rescue dogs I’ve lost in my life.
I give myself ample time to grieve. She was an angel and my friend. My other dog knows something happened and is very subdued.
Some dogs are just special. That was Maya. I loved her so much.
I’ve lost 6 dogs in 12 yrs and a 7th last year in July. I’ve questioned myself which was worse: losing a dog who has been by your side for 11, 12 years, or walking into the ER with your pup, expecting x-rays, antibiotics or a possible surgery, and walking out with just a leash and collar in your hands. What I do know is the happiness, love and memories each dog brought into my life. That, can never be taken from me.
I've just entered the grief in late September. I lost my dog. The sadness is incomprehensible because it feels serious, yet a 'pet' isn't always taken seriously. I've been missing him every day and home feels absent without him.
that’s easy. pets are so much kinder, actually have empathy and compassion. humans? not so much anymore. i am more and more appreciative and grateful for all my pets every single day.
Sorry, but I don’t quite agree with this.
Within one year I lost my husband, my mother, and our family cat. And yes, I was tremendously sad when our cat died. Somehow, at that particular time in my life, that little cat came to personify my own futile struggle with life and death. I grieved him deeply.
But it was not the same. Not even close.
When you lose someone who has been a fundamental part of your life, you lose more than the person. Parts of your own past start breaking away with them. They were there. They shared it with you. They remember things nobody else remembers. Part of who you are exists in that shared history.
And then there is the future. When I lost my husband, I also lost the future we were supposed to have together. Its foundations were suddenly gone.
And that creates something beyond grief. It creates a profound anxiety about the future, because the structure of your life itself has changed. Your past is breaking away behind you, while the future you thought you had no longer exists.
I don’t think we need to say that all grief is the same in order to take the loss of a beloved animal seriously. It isn’t the same. But it can still hurt terribly.
I agree with you Ana. I hear that often from women who have no children. They have no idea what the difference is between losing a child and/or family member and an animal. You can and will be sad but do not equate that loss with losing a human!
Not really a human could grasp as much the loss. Pets, dogs and horses have character, and it’s precisely the ‘good’ traits that remain etched in our memories forever. That’s also because we forget unimportant people. But I can still remember every quirk of my Rottweiler, even though she passed away 40 years ago. And every Rottie after that was different. I’ve had Rottweilers all my life because they can read human behaviour better than many people.
Thank you for writing this. I'm in some sort of anticipatory grief these days. My sweet Wilma Jean is still with me, but she's been diagnosed with kidney disease and has been on antibiotics for almost three weeks for a UTI. She hasn't been eating anywhere near normal. Some days I can barely get her to take her antibiotics. It's breaking my heart. I know she can't be here forever so I am trying to just soak up every second of her while she's here. 💜🐕
This is beautiful. Thank you for validating the intensity of the pain. I love the research you quoted that said, “the intensity of grief correlated directly with the strength of the human-animal bond.”
Every person and every bond is different, and just honoring the pain is so needed. Even on this post, there’s someone who commented invalidating people who grieve the loss of their animal to this extent, and that kind of close-mindedness to people who are suffering is just plain hurtful.
I wish people would just lead with openness and understanding. Anyway, thank you for this. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
This is a really nice article and absolutely. I was filled with grief when my 5 year old turtle died. I was really filled with grief and loneliness when he died. Same thing when my pet white fan feathered pigeon died. I was so sad and cried a lot. Rest in piece to them. And i hope each and everyone's pets stay strong and healthy and grow to be a good pet.