Who Are You Without Your Pet?

Losing a pet is often devastating because it feels very much like losing your identity. Explore how to navigate life without them, honor their memory, and slowly find out who you are now.

If you’ve ever been lucky enough to have someone truly believe in you and see the best in you, then you understand how devastating it would be to lose them.

So it is with our pets. They bring out the best in us. They see the best in us. Dig deep and you might realize you really were your best self around your pet.

But when that pet departs, it feels as though you’ve lost your identity and no longer know who you are.

If you lost your soul dog, like I lost mine, it’s absolutely like losing a part of yourself. Really, it’s like losing a part of your soul. The part that made you want to be better, that helped you feel calm or capable.

There’s no definitive way to move on after the loss of your pet and subsequent loss of identity, but there are ways to move forward.

Making Space… Eventually

One way to transition into your new identity without your pet is to make space for things that are now possible.

For example, let’s say you held off on traveling because you didn’t want to leave your pet alone or with someone else. Now, that option is a possibility. So maybe you take a few nights to explore a nearby town. Or maybe you go abroad for two weeks.

It doesn’t even have to be such a large-scale change.

Let’s say your pet was an older dog who needed ramps and large orthotic beds and rugs across your tile so he wouldn’t slip. All of these items are testaments to your love… but also, cleaning up and donating those items frees up space for new possibilities… maybe even new pets.

Discovering New Parts

In terms of identity, it’s also possible that you put forward certain parts of yourself for your pet, or because of your pet, and no longer have that desire, or that option.

Maybe it was as simple as taking a morning walk with your dog or trotting through the neighborhood on your horse.

You made it a routine out of love. But now, you realize you can use that time to join an exercise class or sleep in or start your workday sooner.

Maybe it was your commitment to an evening of reading or Netflix so your cat could curl up on your lap and purr to his heart’s content. But there’s no longer the pull to sit in your favorite chair and not move for an hour or two each night.

It’s okay to shed that part of you that was created for or to accommodate your pet. It’s okay to make room for new parts and explore other areas of your personality.

Lingering Forward Progress

But while we’re on the subject of cleaning out… it’s also important not to rush it.

Something as simple as a water bowl or a cat bed, once gone, can feel devastating just by its absence.

If it breaks your heart to clean up the symbols and belongings of your pet, then don’t. Wait a while. Make peace with the slowness of getting used to the idea that your life has shifted.

Consider removing one item at a time, spaced out by days or weeks.

Give yourself space to think about what might be worth keeping because it makes you feel connected to your pet. It might be something you’d want to put in a pet memory box if you choose to make one.

Lifequakes and the Education of the Soul

In the book Life is in the Transitions, author Bruce Feiler writes that, “Lifequakes may be voluntary or involuntary, but navigating the transitions that flow from them can only be voluntary.”

Meaning, to make the most of the transitions you go through in life, whether they were your choice or not, you can’t ignore them.

You’re best off meeting them head-on, naming them, addressing them, sharing them, and when you’re ready, converting them into soul education.

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