When Your Dog Was Your Best Friend
When your dog (or any pet) feels like your best friend, losing them can shatter your world. Today we explore what “normal” grief looks like after such a loss, along with ways to move forward.
“My dog understands me like no one else.”
“My dog is my person.”
“My dog is my very best friend.”
It’s super sweet and not uncommon at all if you feel this way.
People who say this about their pets, dog or otherwise, usually feel that the animal was more than a pet.
For a lot of folks, that connection is their safest relationship. Which means the loss of that relationship can feel as devastating as losing a close family member.
So I just want to share what a “normal” response is to this level of grief, especially for those in the world who don’t have a best-friend-pet and can’t really understand.
(I say “normal” because everyone’s response to loss is unique to them… but what I hope you take away from this is that deep grief and extended sadness for this kind of pet loss is the norm, not the exception.)
The Surprising Ways This Loss Extends Beyond Your Pet
Initial sadness from losing your dog or pet goes without saying. The tears. The hollow devastation. Intense waves of emptiness.
Also common in pet loss is guilt and self-blame. Did I do enough? Did I miss something? Should I have chosen differently?
But after the departure of a particularly close pet bond, a few other things shift. You might feel the loss of
Your routine: Without daily walks and feeding rituals, your regular habits get thrown off. It’s not uncommon to feel unmoored with this consistency gone from your day.
Your identity: Who are you without your pet? Who are you when there’s no reason to stop at the dog park, or pick up cat treats on the way home? Who are you when you don’t check in at the groomer’s every other month? When you no longer see the neighbors on your daily walk?
Your ability to connect: With an empty house and shifting purpose, you might feel unmoored from the world you knew. Lonely. Disconnected. This is where you risk feeling wholly cut off from the world.
Your mental health and anxiety level: You find yourself wondering how to get through the days without the structure and meaning you had when your pet was still alive.
Your sense of self: It’s not uncommon to feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself. Like a fundamental part of who you are and how you show up in the world has gone missing.
Please know that here in this community, we see you. We acknowledge that bottomless pit of pain. Many of us have been right where you are. Many of us are still there. 💗
Here’s What You Do, When You Can…
Our world is packed full of stereotypes about what a pet should and shouldn’t be to people, which can make it loads harder to grieve in the way that’s right for you.
So this might feel like a big ask, but I want to invite you to grieve. Grieve hard. Cry loudly. Sob. Curl up in a ball on the floor. Yell. Dissolve into your pain.
Why? Because all these painful acts are incredibly cleansing and cathartic. (I’ve done every one of them when in grief, and I always feel better on the other side.)
You can do it in private. You can cry with a friend or with someone else touched by the loss of your pet. You can cry out and express your grief in our online community. Bottom line:
There’s no wrong way to grieve.
Do what feels necessary in the moment, and know that there are other supporters of this newsletter who’ve been in similar situations, who cried their eyes out, and moved through the pain. You can survive this.
The Fundamental Power of Expression
As you work through the deep grief of losing a pet who felt like your best friend, try reaching for some form of expression as a way to process your feelings.
Maybe that means journaling or writing a letter to your pet. Maybe it’s about creating a tribute through a framed picture or artwork.
Maybe you plant a tree or a flowering bush in your pet’s honor.
Physically expressing your love for your pet through any of these acts is another way to help move the grief through and out of you. Just as the crying and raging suggested above can move you through incapacitating grief, acts of creative expression continue that work by helping to push the sadness up and out of you.
And What Then?
None of this is meant to suggest you’ll be over and through your grief quickly and seamlessly. The immeasurable pain of losing your best friend is something that may be part of you forever.
But the goal isn’t to forget what you shared with your beloved pet. The only goal is to transition the pain of loss from excruciating and all-consuming to something you can live and function with.
From there, who knows? Maybe you’ll go on to adopt another pet. Maybe you won’t. The answer will become clear over time.
And maybe that new pet will be a new best friend. Maybe you’ll find a best human friend in the interim. Or, maybe not.
Recognize that it doesn’t serve you to wonder about the future, at least not when pet loss pain is still omnipresent.
If you do the work to sit with, process, and express the grief of losing your best friend… then on the other side, at some point, you’ll know the right next step for you. 💗🐾💗