The Unspoken Grief Emotion: Relief
Pet loss sends you through the gamut of emotions. Which makes sense, because that’s what grief is: a full platter of feelings that range in size, flavor, and intensity.
But the emotion a lot of people struggle with, and feel guilty about, is the feeling of relief.
Yet grief makes sense, too — especially if your pet was suffering from an illness, disease, or the menaces of old age.
And since relief feels so different from sadness (i.e., doesn’t feel bad), it adds a whole new layer of confusion to your healing journey. So here are some ways to deal with the confusing feeling of relief amidst the sadness.
Because We Wish We Could Fix It All
Watching any loved one suffer is traumatic. And with pets, this reaction is sometimes magnified.
Part of that is because as their humans, we’re making all the decisions. We don’t know exactly what is going wrong, where it hurts, or what to do about. It’s as gutting as having a young child in pain and feeling helpless because they can’t articulate what’s wrong.
On top of that, money complicates things. With a child, all the tests and labs and treatments that might make a difference are performed. But with a pet, it often comes down to, “Yes we could fix that problem, but for several thousand dollars.”
Worst of all, we can’t honor the last wishes or respect the dying requests of our pets.
So the pain of watching them suffer gets bigger and bigger, heightened when death finally comes.
That’s when relief settles in, even as we’re grappling with the pain of loss. Relief that they’re out of pain. Relief that there are no more crushing decisions to be made. Relief to not be facing impossible money decisions.
And then comes the guilt of feeling relieved. It’s a vicious little cycle, this merry-go-round of grief.
More Than a Big Sigh
The thing about relief is that it’s not a bad feeling. It’s not something to be ashamed of.
Relief is simply a new stage of grief. It’s the acknowledgement that one season of life has ended and another has begun.
Still, relief and guilt complicate the grieving process. A few ways to help manage that are to:
Pour on the self-care. It’s tempting to want to punish yourself for the relief you feel. But how would it be to instead focus on sleep, healthy food, or a walk with sunshine on your face? This is essential self-care throughout the grief cycle. It helps with feelings of relief. And probably your pet would prefer that you’re not tortured.
Reframe the thought. You’re not relieved that your beloved pet has died. The relief is more about the stress, pain, and uncertainty finally being over.
Find connection with supportive people. Whether you turn to a therapist, a friend who loves pets and has been through loss, or our Healing From Pet Loss Community, it’s important for your grief and relief to be heard.
Remember, all these feelings are a normal, albeit painful part of the pet grieving process. Please give yourself the space, time, and support to navigate these complex emotions.
And know that you’re not alone in feeling this way.