Ten Ways to Deal With the Ongoing Pain of Pet Loss

If your grief still feels raw, these ten healing practices can bring comfort and remind you that love never leaves—it just changes form.

The maddening truth about grief related to pet loss is that it doesn’t just go away. Granted, the passing of time helps heal the more acute agony…

But the pain and sadness become your constant companion unless you take certain steps to move forward. Below are ten ways to try doing that.

Self-Care and Emotional Support

The first and most important thing you can do to deal with your pain, whether it’s acute or ongoing (or both), is to take care of yourself. And I get it… That’s probably the last place where you want to put your focus, especially if blame and regret are part of your journey.

But ironically, not putting any energy or attention into your grief only exacerbates the pain of it all. Try these approaches instead:

1. Let yourself grieve. Pet loss brings grief; it’s as simple as that. It’s not something to turn away from or write off because “it was just a cat” or “just a dog” or because your partner or family wasn’t super connected to the animal. Cry, scream, hit pillows, sit in silence… whatever grieving looks like for you, make space for it.

2. Talk about your pet. Spend time with fellow pet-lovers and share favorite stories and anecdotes about your sweet pet. Explain why the pet was so special, and what made them unique. Talking about your pet helps you move from grieving and on to the healing process. Reach out to family and friends, or online communities like this Substack where your stories are welcomed.

3. Try therapy or grief counseling. Nowadays, many therapists have special training in pet loss grief. Therapy and counseling are proven ways to get support in a judgment-free space. You might also look into getting a grief coach.

Memorial Ideas

Setting aside time for memorial activities that celebrate your pet is another tried-and-true way to deal with the acute pain of loss. Yes, it could very well bring up memories that make you cry and feel your grief all over again… but trust the process. Remembering and capturing the good makes you feel better in the long run. Some ways to do that are:

1. Create a box of memories. Start by collecting all the things around your house that remind you of your pet: favorite toys and stuffies, their collar and leash, photos, and other mementos. Put them in a shoebox and decorate it, or find a beautiful container. Place it somewhere you can access when your feelings become overwhelming and you need to reconnect with your pet.

2. Write a love letter by hand. There’s something about putting pen to paper that helps us process things better than if we type them on a screen. Get a pen and paper and write your feelings to your pet, thanking them for all they gave you and reminiscing about favorite memories. Or, use the letter to say things you never got to say.

3. Make a photo album or photo box. Take the time to find and print your favorite photos of your pet, and keep them in a place you can access when you’re feeling low and want to remember happier times.

4. Plant a tree or a flower garden. Creating a living tribute to your pet is a beautiful way to honor their memory. It also gives you a way to focus your attention on something that needs care, which can feel healing.

Acts of Kindness

Doing things for others takes your attention off your grief for a stretch and gives you a positive way to focus your energy. Consider the following acts of kindness:

1. Ask friends, family, and neighbors how you can help with their pets. The kindness of walking a dog for someone who can’t do it often or picking up pet food and treats for an elderly neighbor both helps them out and makes you feel good.

2. Volunteer with animals. Shelters and rescue organizations are always looking for help, and spending time with animals who need love and attention can be both healing and connecting.

3. Make a donation or do fundraising in your pet’s name. Look for causes that help other animals and find ways to donate to them. You’ll both honor your pet’s memory and create a positive legacy.

Little, Forward Steps

Even after taking these steps, you may always feel sadness and a sense of loss when you think about your pet. And that’s okay; it’s part of being a human.

But hopefully, taking these steps helps ease the sharper blades of pain that come from grief, regret, and blame. The goal is not to forget, but to move to a place of acceptance where you can remember with joy and reconnect with that love you felt for your pet.

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