If you’ve ever felt guilty for still crying, or wondered if you should be farther along by now, please know there’s nothing wrong with you. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule.
It's been well over a year since our golden retriever Kya passed over to the other side.
We've said farewell to a dozen pets during our 34 years of marriage, six dogs and six cats. Each loss difficult in some way or other, but Kya has been much harder to cope with. Devastating.
Every day since brings at least one moment of grief whether it's simply a lump in the throat or a few sobs.
It upsets me when people, however well intended, will say "When do you think you'll get another one?", as if that would end my grief. Those people are usually not pet owners or, if they are, treat their own pets like livestock rather than adopted family members.
It's comforting to know there are many others who feel the loss of a beloved pet takes time to heal and that there is no set amount of time for that to occur.
Thanks for this article, I am glad I discovered your Substack.
Ah, I completely relate to those feelings when someone (usually completely unintentionally) belittles pet grief. And I hear you on the losses always being hard, but that it was particularly devastating to lose Kya. 💗That’s how I felt about my Koda… I’ve loved and adored all my pets, but he was my soul dog when I didn’t even know that was a thing. I’m glad we found each other and I appreciate you sharing that. It makes me feel seen in my grief, too.
I was led here by @Shalini Israni when she shared your article. I relate to this so well and love that you write this. Lost my furbaby 3 years ago, he was my first and only one (so far) and it was really difficult. Actually, somedays it's still difficult.
Before I started writing on Substack, I grieved... a lot... I tried to be strong and clean up my tears before my husband come home. Then one day, something tells me I should start sharing my life journey and I started writing at Substack, and that help so much.
I still miss my baby and cry from time to time, especially so when I write about him and sometimes while going through the photos to put it in the articles. But now I choose to see that he has also become my North Star, shining the path for me to walk on. Sounds cheesy, but somehow this is how he became part of me again...
Oh, @Jean.A.T. , I’m so grateful you shared all this. I so relate to how years can pass and the pain can feel so fresh… and I also cleaned up my tears before my husband came home. I’m really happy to hear that you’ve found solace through writing here on Substack. I began journaling through my grief, too, and it continues to amaze me how healing writing about it all can be. I think that your fur baby has become your north star is really beautiful. 🌟
I love this so much. Thank you for sharing, and for highlighting the permission because a lot of us need it.
It's been 16 months since we lost our boy, and while I unapologetically take up space for our grief in the form of my book and substack, in the hopes that I am helping other parents, I have days where I am kicked in the knees and on the couch just crying. This happened as recently as yesterday. I was watching some mindless show over lunch where people were talking to a medium and receiving messages from the beyond. It wasn't even pet related. And I felt like I wanted a message from my Kahlua. I wanted his approval for everything I am doing to keep his legacy alive. I just wanted to hear from him and I sat there sobbing helplessly because nothing else made sense. And as I reiterate this, I am crying again. And that is ok.
Thank you for your writing and for connecting with me. I am also sending you love and strength for your journey.
Oh Shalini, your beautiful words brought me to tears. And I love love love that you “unapologetically take up space” for your grief. That’s so empowering for others to hear — with grief in general, I think — but especially with pet loss. And I’ll share that I did participate in a medium reading, out of desperation to connect with my sweet girl Sydney, a Cavalier, who departed unexpectedly during a surgery. I recall the experience was disappointing, but it was also a group call over the phone. I’d love to explore it again, maybe in person or at least as the only client. All that aside, I love that you let yourself cry. 💗💗💗💗
It's been well over a year since our golden retriever Kya passed over to the other side.
We've said farewell to a dozen pets during our 34 years of marriage, six dogs and six cats. Each loss difficult in some way or other, but Kya has been much harder to cope with. Devastating.
Every day since brings at least one moment of grief whether it's simply a lump in the throat or a few sobs.
It upsets me when people, however well intended, will say "When do you think you'll get another one?", as if that would end my grief. Those people are usually not pet owners or, if they are, treat their own pets like livestock rather than adopted family members.
It's comforting to know there are many others who feel the loss of a beloved pet takes time to heal and that there is no set amount of time for that to occur.
Thanks for this article, I am glad I discovered your Substack.
Ah, I completely relate to those feelings when someone (usually completely unintentionally) belittles pet grief. And I hear you on the losses always being hard, but that it was particularly devastating to lose Kya. 💗That’s how I felt about my Koda… I’ve loved and adored all my pets, but he was my soul dog when I didn’t even know that was a thing. I’m glad we found each other and I appreciate you sharing that. It makes me feel seen in my grief, too.
I was led here by @Shalini Israni when she shared your article. I relate to this so well and love that you write this. Lost my furbaby 3 years ago, he was my first and only one (so far) and it was really difficult. Actually, somedays it's still difficult.
Before I started writing on Substack, I grieved... a lot... I tried to be strong and clean up my tears before my husband come home. Then one day, something tells me I should start sharing my life journey and I started writing at Substack, and that help so much.
I still miss my baby and cry from time to time, especially so when I write about him and sometimes while going through the photos to put it in the articles. But now I choose to see that he has also become my North Star, shining the path for me to walk on. Sounds cheesy, but somehow this is how he became part of me again...
Oh, @Jean.A.T. , I’m so grateful you shared all this. I so relate to how years can pass and the pain can feel so fresh… and I also cleaned up my tears before my husband came home. I’m really happy to hear that you’ve found solace through writing here on Substack. I began journaling through my grief, too, and it continues to amaze me how healing writing about it all can be. I think that your fur baby has become your north star is really beautiful. 🌟
Thank you so much @Mindy McHorse, so glad to know I’m not alone in this. It’s so amazing how healing comes in the least expected actions. 🧡
I love this so much. Thank you for sharing, and for highlighting the permission because a lot of us need it.
It's been 16 months since we lost our boy, and while I unapologetically take up space for our grief in the form of my book and substack, in the hopes that I am helping other parents, I have days where I am kicked in the knees and on the couch just crying. This happened as recently as yesterday. I was watching some mindless show over lunch where people were talking to a medium and receiving messages from the beyond. It wasn't even pet related. And I felt like I wanted a message from my Kahlua. I wanted his approval for everything I am doing to keep his legacy alive. I just wanted to hear from him and I sat there sobbing helplessly because nothing else made sense. And as I reiterate this, I am crying again. And that is ok.
Thank you for your writing and for connecting with me. I am also sending you love and strength for your journey.
Oh Shalini, your beautiful words brought me to tears. And I love love love that you “unapologetically take up space” for your grief. That’s so empowering for others to hear — with grief in general, I think — but especially with pet loss. And I’ll share that I did participate in a medium reading, out of desperation to connect with my sweet girl Sydney, a Cavalier, who departed unexpectedly during a surgery. I recall the experience was disappointing, but it was also a group call over the phone. I’d love to explore it again, maybe in person or at least as the only client. All that aside, I love that you let yourself cry. 💗💗💗💗
Oh god I am so sorry about your sweet baby's sudden passing and completely understand your need for answers and going to a medium 😭 ❤️
Thank you for your beautiful words too and for validating my feelings ❤️