When your pet is aging or ailing and it’s becoming clear they’re almost to the summit…That mixture of dread, denial, and “I-can’t-live-without-them” is completely normal. And completely painful.
Its true Mindy. So many people laughed when l said my budgie, Billy died the night l came out of hospital with my newborn baby daughter 40 years ago. I was in floods of tears and almost blamed my daughter (l know, baby brain. I was in hospital for weeks and I'm sure he pined) The health visitor turned up the next day and l burst into tears. She said l had the baby blues. I told her it was because my budgie had died. I expected her to tell me l was being stupid but she was so sweet and kind. All those years ago and it still brings tears to my eyes.
This is so touching… I’m glad you had a compassionate health visitor who recognized that pain! And it all must have been compounded with the emotions that swirl after having a baby. Also I’ve never heard the term budgie till now — love that.
He was! I adored him. I got him as a baby and spent hours with my finger on the bar in his cage, until one day...he hopped on my finger. It was wonderful to feel that trust from such a tiny creature. He spent most of his time out of his cage and on my shoulder as l wandered round the house. No wonder his death was so devastating.
Thank you for sharing that beautiful moment — I can just imagine how it felt to have him first come to you, especially after you put in so much time building trust! So sweet. 💗
This is so true. How could our hearts and minds actually cope with the anticipation of them actually not being here? Too horrendous to contemplate. I grieved for years when my bird died 40 years ago, then when my girls (my guinea pigs) died 13 years ago, it took such a massive chunk from our family life. I refuse to imagine my life without my 9 year old beautiful blind shihtzu, Jasper. He is always by my side. ❤️
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for sharing this! I’m so grateful, because I think other animals besides dogs and cats aren’t talked about as much when it comes to love and loss, and how the pain can linger for years. May your little Jasper have as many years left as possible. 💗
The idea of denial as a shock absorber is so precise. Letting reality seep in slowly rather than all at once feels like a form of self-preservation. Owie's heart-shaped marking connecting to Koda is touching, symbols like that can really anchor us during greif. Went through anticipatory grief with an aging cat last year, the balance between being present and protecting yourself emotionaly is tough.
I lost my cat, Viktor, suddenly to cancer in September. The grief was devaststing as he was my soul cat. I cannot tell you how much I cried. I turned to nature and ritual. I would have lost my mind if I hadn't. I also have a 15 year old calico, Nushka, who in the last year has really aged. I am sending out an ask to the universe(if that's possible) for her to be here a bt longer as I am still grieving Viktor. I don't have family or children, so my cats are my family. I am hoping my heart has mended more before it is time for her to go.
Oh, Ea, this sounds so heartbreaking! I’m so sorry for the loss of Viktor. It’s wonderful you found solace in nature and ritual — I’m curious, what kinds of rituals worked best for you?
I hear you though on hoping for Nushka’s stay to be a little longer. Sending you huge hugs as you walk this long road of love.
Thank you for the hugs! I turned to a Mother Earth, Grandmother Moon and Father Sun. I did an actual circle made out of leaves from my garden, chose something to represent Viktor also in the circle. I called upon my family in nature, Mother Earth, Grandmother Moon and Father Sun and the bog where I was born.
Having a circle, a place to go to, to speak, to cry, to wail made a difference.
The idea of denial as a shock absorber is so precise. Letting reality seep in slowly rather than all at once feels like a form of self-preservation. Owie's heart-shaped marking connecting to Koda is touching, symbols like that can really anchor us during grief. Went through anticipatory grief with an aging cat last year, the balance between being present and protecting yourself emotionaly is tough.
Its true Mindy. So many people laughed when l said my budgie, Billy died the night l came out of hospital with my newborn baby daughter 40 years ago. I was in floods of tears and almost blamed my daughter (l know, baby brain. I was in hospital for weeks and I'm sure he pined) The health visitor turned up the next day and l burst into tears. She said l had the baby blues. I told her it was because my budgie had died. I expected her to tell me l was being stupid but she was so sweet and kind. All those years ago and it still brings tears to my eyes.
This is so touching… I’m glad you had a compassionate health visitor who recognized that pain! And it all must have been compounded with the emotions that swirl after having a baby. Also I’ve never heard the term budgie till now — love that.
Sorry, budgerigar is the full name of the breed. I taught him to talk, and swear! (Profusely!😂)
Oh, makes sense now! And too funny. What a joy he must have been.
He was! I adored him. I got him as a baby and spent hours with my finger on the bar in his cage, until one day...he hopped on my finger. It was wonderful to feel that trust from such a tiny creature. He spent most of his time out of his cage and on my shoulder as l wandered round the house. No wonder his death was so devastating.
Thank you for sharing that beautiful moment — I can just imagine how it felt to have him first come to you, especially after you put in so much time building trust! So sweet. 💗
This is so true. How could our hearts and minds actually cope with the anticipation of them actually not being here? Too horrendous to contemplate. I grieved for years when my bird died 40 years ago, then when my girls (my guinea pigs) died 13 years ago, it took such a massive chunk from our family life. I refuse to imagine my life without my 9 year old beautiful blind shihtzu, Jasper. He is always by my side. ❤️
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for sharing this! I’m so grateful, because I think other animals besides dogs and cats aren’t talked about as much when it comes to love and loss, and how the pain can linger for years. May your little Jasper have as many years left as possible. 💗
The idea of denial as a shock absorber is so precise. Letting reality seep in slowly rather than all at once feels like a form of self-preservation. Owie's heart-shaped marking connecting to Koda is touching, symbols like that can really anchor us during greif. Went through anticipatory grief with an aging cat last year, the balance between being present and protecting yourself emotionaly is tough.
So, so true. Thank you. And am I understanding you already lost your cat? I’m so sorry. Nice to connect with someone who relates.
Hi Mindy
I lost my cat, Viktor, suddenly to cancer in September. The grief was devaststing as he was my soul cat. I cannot tell you how much I cried. I turned to nature and ritual. I would have lost my mind if I hadn't. I also have a 15 year old calico, Nushka, who in the last year has really aged. I am sending out an ask to the universe(if that's possible) for her to be here a bt longer as I am still grieving Viktor. I don't have family or children, so my cats are my family. I am hoping my heart has mended more before it is time for her to go.
Oh, Ea, this sounds so heartbreaking! I’m so sorry for the loss of Viktor. It’s wonderful you found solace in nature and ritual — I’m curious, what kinds of rituals worked best for you?
I hear you though on hoping for Nushka’s stay to be a little longer. Sending you huge hugs as you walk this long road of love.
Thank you for the hugs! I turned to a Mother Earth, Grandmother Moon and Father Sun. I did an actual circle made out of leaves from my garden, chose something to represent Viktor also in the circle. I called upon my family in nature, Mother Earth, Grandmother Moon and Father Sun and the bog where I was born.
Having a circle, a place to go to, to speak, to cry, to wail made a difference.
The idea of denial as a shock absorber is so precise. Letting reality seep in slowly rather than all at once feels like a form of self-preservation. Owie's heart-shaped marking connecting to Koda is touching, symbols like that can really anchor us during grief. Went through anticipatory grief with an aging cat last year, the balance between being present and protecting yourself emotionaly is tough.