Anyone who’s ever cooked a turkey with pets running loose in the house knows the sight of wagging tails, sniffing noses, and ankle rubs as little entreaties for a nibble or a plateful.
Because what’s beautiful about Thanksgiving is that it’s all about appreciating food and blessings and bounty. In the spirit of traditional autumn harvest, it celebrates abundance.
In fact, it’s a holiday celebrated across the world, albeit under different names and on different dates. But the core meaning is the same: Gratitude for family, health, food, and support. It’s a time for family homecomings. For shared meals. For community. For togetherness.
Except…
Except if you lost a pet in the last year, and it’s your first Thanksgiving without them, all the merry gratitude-making is tinged with pain.
It doesn’t even have to be a loss from the last year. Grief from pet loss extends through time, and the holidays tend to magnify the standing loss.
So today, I want to share ways to honor your pet this Thanksgiving. None of this will make the grief go away or lessen the loss, but there are a few ways to get through the day with a little more ease than otherwise.
The Pain is… Good For You?
Counselors who work with pet loss widely agree that the first holiday season without your pet can bring up fresh waves of grief, even when the loss happened months (or years) ago.
And even if you thought you’d made your peace with it.
Why? Because holidays are built entirely out of routines. In most cases, you celebrate with the same foods, the same people, the same small moments of setting the table or breaking the wishbone.
These get repeated year after year until they start to feel like the load-bearing walls of your life.
And your pet was woven into nearly all of them.
I’ve written a lot about how grief can come in waves, where harder days are clustered around anniversaries and holidays. So if it felt like you were doing fine(ish) and then November rolled around and knocked the wind out of you… this is not backsliding. This is normal, human, seriously inconvenient grief.
As you grapple with the loss of how your pet used to color the holidays, perhaps as an excited wiggle under the feast-filled table, or a companion on the joyful post-meal walk, or the much-anticipated cuddle at the end of the long but satisfying day of traditions…
Stop and think about those things you miss. Try to remember the details. Honor them. Give them breathing room. Write them down. Dress those memories up in gratitude for even existing.
It’s a little like working out a sore muscle that hurts to even use. On the other side, it will feel better and stronger.
Choose Your Light Line
Honoring those specific memories, especially before they fade, is a really useful and beautiful way to remember your pet this holiday.
And here’s how you keep them in your memories going forward: consider picking one small way to include your pet’s memory in the holiday. Maybe decide on it this week, while there’s still a little distance from the day itself.
Some suggestions:
Light a candle at the table, just for them
Set their photo somewhere in the room of the feast
Make a toast before the meal and say their name out loud
Share one story about them at the table
Put their collar in your pocket, or some other memento, where only you know it’s there
I absolutely welcome any other suggestions in the comments below.
At any rate, pick one thing in advance, not as a lifeline, but more of a “light line” — something that connects you to the dear one you’ve lost even as life moves forward.
The Healing From Pet Loss Community is Here if You Need It
Grief counselors call these kinds of actions continuing bonds — basically an ongoing relationship with the one you’ve lost. You express that bond through reminiscing and small acts of remembrance.
It’s got nothing to do with being “stuck” in your grief. Truly, it’s one of the healthier ways to grieve.
Plus, if you’re not feeling particularly festive or grateful around these approaching holidays, it’s a little something to hang on to as you navigate your way through without your bestie by your side.
If you’re facing a first holiday without your pet and you’d like a comforting place to turn, with people who get it and know exactly what you’re going through, the Healing From Pet Loss Community is open to Founding Members right now.
You’re welcome exactly as you are, tears and all.